All human relationships have an understood and implicitly discussed set of rules. These implicit and explicit expectations guide partners to share mutual respect and create a sense of safety within committed relationships. Boundaries and limitations can differ depending on culture, values, beliefs, goals, and relationship meaning. As relationships evolve and individuals within these commitments grow and change, the rules may also change and evolve along with them. Those initial agreements are often not reexamined or reviewed once the responsibilities of life take over. Once the relationship reaches an agreed-upon commitment stage, things like intentional dating, mindful communication, and sharing of intimate thoughts and feelings may also take a back seat to the day-to-day responsibilities of career, finances, health, caring for children, parents, pets, and personal growth goals.
For most, life moves forward with little space for reflection, and time is limited to routine, responsibilities, and occasional vacations (if possible). When awareness of partner betrayal or the rupture of a core relationship rule is made, the assumptive world is halted. Depending on the agreement/s broken, this can shake and even deeply shatter individuals. Core beliefs about self, partner, relationship, life, safety, trust, and security are lost, resulting in confusion and grief about what was or was once perceived.
Each facet, from discovery with all the confusion it may bring to getting answers, finding acceptance, resolving ambivalence, choosing to stay or go, establishing forgiveness, trust, and safety in self and others, letting go of shame or embarrassment, regaining self-love, and healing individual and future partner intimacy may feel like goals as distant as rebuilding a home that was utterly devastated by fire.
However, if there’s any chance of rebuilding, the land needs to be cleared, and a stronger foundation will need to be constructed. Even if the decision is to move on to a new location, what led to the fire has to be identified, and trust in oneself for future safety will need to be addressed if the hope of living free of the limitations created by fear is desired.
If any of the above resonates, this course is for you.